When an intimate relationship ends, but you’re not the one who wanted out, it can feel downright devastating. Emotions start swirling around your brain and you fluctuate between bouts of tearfulness and anger or jealousy. It can be almost as though someone else has inhabited your head, filling your mind with irrational thoughts of self-blame and triggering feelings of insecurity that you didn’t know you had.
Sound familiar?
Facing the Heartbreak Truth
Heartbreaks are a fruitful source of inspiration for myriad songs, books, and movies because everyone has had the opportunity at some point in life to relate to those painful feelings of loss and disappointment. Fortunately, most of us eventually get over the break-up and move on.
We’ve all heard the saying, “It takes 2 to tango,” and it really does. When you’re working harder on the relationship than your partner, it’s pretty much a sign of eventual doom. But sometimes, it just feels more comfortable to keep your head in the sand than to deal with the anxiety and fear about what’s really going on. I understand. I’ve been there too.
If a relationship isn’t right for one person, it’s not right for either of them. Nonetheless, it can hurt to hear words like:
- I don’t think I’m in love with you.
- I feel like I need some space.
- I think we should take a break.
As hard as it is to admit it’s over, the healthiest thing you can do is accept the truth, acknowledge how you feel, spend some time licking your wounds, and then move forward with dignity. I understand this can be a little easier said than done, but I know it’s very possible to get over a heartbreak.
4 Things NOT to Do After a Relationship Ends
Unfortunately, rather than taking the time to process the relationship loss, a lot of people get caught up in doing things that keep them stuck in a negative mindset.
Here are 4 things to stop doing so you don’t make yourself more miserable:
- STOP looking at their social media content and don’t vent about the relationship on yours. Do not call or text them. Harassment only makes you look bad and feel worse.
- STOP drowning your sorrow with alcohol, binge-watching TV, and/or overindulging on comfort food. None of these can actually erase the pain. Suppressing how you feel is only going to prolong your suffering.
- STOP wallowing in self-pity. Yes, relationship endings hurt, but if you’re stuck too long feeling sorry for yourself and can’t let it go, it’s important to reach out and talk to a counselor to help you work through your loss.
- STOP yourself from getting into a rebound relationship. I know dating apps are tempting and that it feels validating when someone is interested in you. But when you haven’t healed from one relationship, chances are you’re not going to use your best judgment when getting involved with someone new.
There’s no question that break-ups can be the pits. It can cause you to question yourself on so many levels: your attractiveness, behaviors, intellect, thoughts, and worthiness. However, when a relationship ends, it doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you—although it can feel like that. Rather, it’s just that what you bring to the relationship table simply isn’t the best fit for the other person. It does not mean you’re deficient in any way.
So, spend time taking care of yourself, stay away from destructive behaviors and thoughts, and keep your integrity intact so you can move forward even stronger.
For more inspiration, order my newest book, The Relentless Courage of a Scared Child: How Persistence, Grit, and Faith Created a Reluctant Healer.
If you’re struggling and need professional help, Amen Clinics is here for you. We offer in-clinic brain scanning and appointments, as well as mental telehealth, remote clinical evaluations, and video therapy for adults, children, and couples. Find out more by speaking to a specialist today at 888-288-9834 or visit our contact page here.
