When Father’s Day Is Painful

Father’s Day is generally a day when kids of all ages show their gratitude for dad. But what if you can’t celebrate your dad? What if you haven’t been close? What if he abandoned your family? Or what if he has already passed? It can make you feel sad and alone. But it doesn’t have to.

As Brain Warriors, it’s important to know that you can’t change the facts, but you can change the way you think about them. Where your focus goes your energy flows.

This is something I’ve had to work on first hand. My dad left when I was just a baby. I rarely saw him, so I never really had much of a relationship with him. His behavior was so erratic that when I turned 18, I told him I never wanted to talk to him again. That can make Father’s Day a little awkward.

If you’re in the same type of situation, don’t let it get you down. Here are 3 ways to spin it to your advantage.

Celebrate a fatherly figure.

So what if the nice man who lives down the street, the caring pastor at your church, or even the drill master sensei at the martial arts dojo isn’t actually your father. If you know someone who has a positive impact on your life, celebrate them. Letting them know that they are like the father you never had or the father you lost will not only make them feel great, it will also strengthen your bond.

Indulge in self-care.

Every year, when Father’s Day rolled around, I could have felt bad about it, and initially I did. However, I eventually learned to refocus my energy because I didn’t want to feel bad as a result of another persons actions. That is a pattern that would certainly lead to long term pain. Instead, I began focusing on personal growth and personal responsibility. Instead of sulking this year try taking a personal growth seminar, spending time meditating, or go to a kick-butt class at the gym.

Consider if it’s time to reconnect.

Sometimes we get stuck on old hurts and aren’t willing to acknowledge that someone has changed. If your father is no longer in your life by choice, take a moment to consider if there is any way to repair your relationship. Nobody was as shocked as I was when my father ended up back in my life. He had gotten sick, and my sisters pleaded with me to help take care of him. Reluctantly, I agreed. It was the best thing I ever did for myself. Even though he got the help, I got the healing. Years later my father died in my arms, and we were both at peace and able to leave the negative memories from the past behind.

Whether you’re celebrating your real dad, a fatherly figure, or yourself, make it a brain healthy celebration. Share a book that’s meaningful to you. One of my old favorites is Man’s Search For Meaning. And of course I’m partial to empowering books like, The Brain Warrior’s Way. If you want to spend time with dad doing something to improve your health, take the Brain Warrior’s Way online course. Be sure to use the promo code TANA21 to get 21% off your order.

 

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